If there is anything most people agree on, it is that divorce can be complicated – especially when children are involved. During the divorce, it is not unusual for emotions to get out of control. Disputes over child custody, property division and spousal support can easily cloud your judgment.
With that said, it is important to understand that what you tell your kids about the divorce can impact their emotional well-being in the long run. Here are things you do not want to tell your kids during your divorce:
Don’t tell them lies
Your children deserve to know certain truths about their family dynamics because, after all, they are directly affected by these changes. Lying to them about the divorce can negatively impact how they perceive you. Providing age-appropriate truths, on the other hand, can give them valuable tools to deal with new changes in family dynamics like finances and parenting time.
Blaming the other parent for the divorce
Remarks like “if only your father/mother loved us …” amounts to blaming the other parent. And the more you expose a child to this kind of language, the more likely they will begin to believe that the other parent is to blame for the divorce and the resulting implications. Additionally, this amounts to parental alienation and it is unfair to both the child and the other parent.
Asking the kids to spy on the other parent
There are plenty of ways you can obtain information about your co-parent. But your children should not be one of them. Avoid using your children to gather intel about your ex’s activities such as their social life or even their finances. If you are concerned about anything, seek an audience with your ex.
Protecting your child’s best interests
There is no easy way to discuss divorce with your children. However, you can take certain steps to protect them from the effects of divorce. And one of these includes knowing what you should not tell them during the divorce.